9
Feb

How Selfie Sticks In The Classroom Are Shaping The 2016 U.S. Election

Selfie Sticks Debate Issue

A recent SelfieYo poll revealed 61% of New Hampshire voters plan on voting based on key issues that affect them. The remaining percentage indicated they will vote based on the “voices in their head” when they arrive at the polls.

Others polled around the United States and Mexico are coming in a few points behind NH in terms of key issues vs. statistical chance. Nonetheless, it is clear to all of the candidates (expect, perhaps Dr. Ben Carson who declined to comment on the issue) that voters are demanding action and change when it comes to key issues around selfies and the Second Amendment.

Top on everyone’s list is the issue of selfie sticks in the classroom.

“Selfie sticks in the classroom has quickly become one of the more polarizing topics in the 2016 race for the White House,” said Jamal Johnson of SelfieYo’s election polling team.

“The impact of guaranteed rights of selfie stick holders would be far-reaching if constitutionally afforded under the Second Amendment, but it’s not a panacea and we expect to be fighting all the way to the Supreme Court on this one.”

Pundits are slow to point to the root causes of such a dramatic rise in the selfie stick debate; we suspect the issue became political when President Obama was filmed using a selfie stick in the now infamous BuzzFeed Video.

Ardent supporters of equal protection of the right to bear selfie sticks under the Second Amendment are demanding candidates sign the “Pledge for American Equality and Freedom,” which, among other things, guarantees the right to bear selfie sticks would not be impeded by classroom monitors in public and private schools across the country.

The only exceptions would be classrooms where the number of students on behavioral modification meds is greater than 72.5% — and it is suspected that this could account for as many as half of the classrooms in America — a problem Johnson says will be dealt with in Phase 2 of the selfie stick protection and freedom movement.

On the far right, some supporters involved with Cruise 4 America [sic] are going so far as to suggest that selfie sticks in the classroom deserve inclusion under Title IX.

Such a move would more or less ratify the goals of the Pledge for American Equality and Freedom movement without necessitating a march on Washington or a grueling fight in the Supreme Court.

While most organizations reporting on the election throughout 2016 are declining to predict the impact this issue will have, we will unequivocally state that unless the candidates or Fox News find some way to adjudicate the selfie stick debate quickly and decisively, the issue will drag on through October and into the November general election. Pray that doesn’t happen.

Remember, it’s your selfie, your vote.

Make America great again — snap a selfie on SelfieYo chat app. 

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